The copyright info is in Franklin Gothic again!

That means I'm home! (It's Impact or Rockwell when I'm on the road.)

There will be little unwinding here in the immediate future, unfortunately. After a month of being converted to an animal/idiot/both sanctuary, my studio needs to be set up anew - a daunting task for someone as mentally drained as I.

Let's do the rundown. Moron brother has entered his 922nd consecutive day of being "sick" when asked to do work, so my grand welcome home came in lots of heavy lifting with garbage and a trip to Costco for the heavy lifting of garbage-to-be. Moron brother apparently lost one of the packages containing an order from Amazon.com, so I might have to fight the system to replace the lost goods in my future. Moron brother's definition of cleaning is, "move stuff from one surface to another surface around the corner," so you can guess what my room is like right now. Moron brother was also force to move back home, so all this stuff is strew about, adding much to the ambiance here. Moron brother's irresponsibility with my mother's credit card has forced our family to cancel Christmas to deal with the debts he's accumulated. Man, life SUCKS over here. I wonder if there's one common element that is causing all this dysfunction...

Tonight my plan is simple: Focus my stress into an eating disorder (the fat, unsexy one), break out the alcohol my brother hasn't consumed yet (he consumed a bottle of whiskey and tequila, both purchased by me, while here), and devote my life to TV on DVD. I have many options! I watched Lost season 1 while in DC, and season 4 was in the packages waiting for me, so I could continue and watch the new three seasons back to back to back. Black Friday was good to me in that I got all of Battlestar Galactica on DVD for half price, so I could start on that again. I have the first three discs of The Wire season 2 from Netflix FINALLY! The system failed me and sent the last discs first, so only now do I get to watch in order. Mom bought me the John Adams series on DVD as a gift, so that's there as well. Basically, I'm set for a piece of performance art wherein I will be playing the role of a shut-in.

As for the SKETCH, which has been ignored so far, I was feeling really sick last night and couldn't stop drawing... happy characters? Ok, whatevs. Most of drawings, being done through fever and fatigue, were crap and incomplete - but the Jacob one was close enough that I could fix the major errors (proportions) with Photoshop. The book is my joke on his corny smile. Anyone worth their salt should get the reference. If you don't, WHY DIDN'T YOU COME OF AGE IN THE 90'S LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!?!?!

Update edit: Amazon had agreed to replace my lost package. Yay! I eschewed DVDs for DVR and I'm watcing the Survivor finale/reunion. (Any non-Matty, non-Susie winner is fine by me. Sugar totally should have won, though.) I think I will go Wire after this, since Netflix must miss me by now! The goal is to drink myself into submission and stay up as late as possible so I sleep through the workers tomorrow. (Re-edit: Yes, I realize drinking myself into a stupor is not conducive to watching the ultra-complex The Wire, but I AM A GENIUS! My brain may be smart even when addled by CLASSY LIQUEURS! Or... I could watch the braindead Heroes episode I missed while in DC.

The third dimension is the worst

When working in a flat medium, showing depth can at times be damned difficult.

If I point my finger directly at you, all you see is a hand floating in front of me, as the rest of the arm is blocked. You know the arm is there, since you just saw it go up into the pointing motion. (Imagine the Donald Sutherland Body Snatches point here.) In a flat picture, you don't see the past of the figure - all you get is what you are given. Sure, chances are there's an arm behind that hand, but you can't be sure!

Worse is foreshortening, when the laws of perspective kick an artist's ass. If arm swings side to side, that's easy since it's the same length no matter the pose. If said arm begins swinging back and forth, things get dicey. Shading helps in most media; but what if one is working with something not conducive to shading... like pen and ink? Without lots of detailed crosshatching, an arm extending into the foreground looks like a strange, malformed appendage. The artist has to be an expert inker (I'm not) or pray the reader figures out what things look odd. For someone at my skill level, this means a lot of somewhat robotic, flat poses. Straight arms go out or down, as any change in depth looks like a mutation. Bent arms are drawn so the viewer can see the proper arm length - even if foreshortening is called for.

Traditional laws of perspective don't always work in cartooning. In motion, body parts get hidden by other body parts all the time, but we know they'll be back. In a static cartoon image, the natural look becomes unnatural. The cartoonist has to tweak perspective to let the viewer know the missing parts are there.

For faces, it's like folding the hidden side of the face out. If a character has bangs, you show the bangs for both sides of the face in the drawing, even though the far side should be hidden from view. Same with ears; the far ear would be hidden or appear as a small point over the hair, but a cartoonist has to draw the second ear fairly prominently. When these things are analyzed, it is horribly incorrect - but to the eye it looks more acceptable than the technically correct drawing.

Once again, tonight started with an impromptu colored pencil drawing. This time, the subject was the supposedly-elusive Sydney Oven. Considering how many times she's shown up on this blog, I think she's losing her mystique.

The pose I picked is one that involves a mass of perspective faith. I was challenging myself to let go and see if it worked.

Should the right ear be drawn or left off? With the Scottish fold thing, it means the ears are often borderline in that they might or might not be seen. It's far too easy to draw in the hint of the back ear, even when it shouldn't be there, to give artistic confirmation that it is indeed there. There's also the issue of the visible ear, which is presented in a flat manner so I could easier draw the earrings. This is incorrect, but does it work visually?

Sydney has short hair that is usually pulled back in a small ponytail. Again, I feel a great need to draw the ponytail because otherwise people might assume her breezy Bud-like part is all there is. I had been towing with lengthening her hair to get around the issue, but sometimes there is still no way the ponytail would be seen. Like the ear, the ponytail is hidden.

I had passed two tests at that point, but I just could not let that hidden arm stay hidden. Putting the fist playfully touching the shoulder is one thing, as a reader should realize the arm is hidden by the body and jacket, but I was not content to leave it alone. Instead I drew a hint to the rest of the arm, which was meant to show the fist got to the shoulder via elbow and not mutation. Problem is... the unnatural arm length is now put in play. I should have hidden the sleeve or allowed the arm to be hidden completely.

Sydney's left appendages show the good and choke job of foreshortening. Her left arm looks perfectly natural as it implies a bit of depth to the limb. The leg, however, is where I got scared. In a pose that is twist, I drew the leg as if it was on a two-dimensional plane. It should have tapered a bit to indicate the foot was extending into the background. Instead, I was forced to draw a "wall" into the background to hint that the awkward position might be due to her foot resting against an object. The other left also became a straight up and down affair due to my perspective fuck up. It could have also shown dynamic movement, but instead it had to be static to show she was twirling in place rather than moving through space.

It was good practice to take on a sketch like this. This was also supposed to be a test of coloring, but that became rather secondary. For that, I'll say she wasn't originally meant to have red hair - I used the wrong pencil - but it's not too bad and I may go with it.

I hope I explained well enough why this drawing was far more complex that it appears. Almost every element was challenge due to the conflict between what was technically correct and what was visually correct. Some treatments were successes and some ventured into hieroglyphics territory. People know the ancient Egyptian portraiture style involved rendering everything flat and front-facing even if the figure was in profile, right? It's somewhat comforting to know the same cartooning tricks used now have been around for thousands of years. It's not failure - it's historical homage!

Awkward moments; treasured memories

I wrap up my current stretch in DC as a complete wreck. Stress has taken its toll on me. I've got zits. I've gained weight. I am low on sleep. I might be getting sick. I desperately need a shave. I'm awesome!

That's not to say this hasn't been a positive expirience. I'm glad I could help, as little as I could, and I *did* get some art done while here. After some recharging, I'll come back again to get things right this time. I'm starting to get selfish over here - hiding away in my cave and eating at odd hours - and that's fairly useless outside of moral support. When I get my energy back, I'll do what I should be doing now. I'm going to get my grandmother to tell more stories and just give her a partner in conversation. I'll have a better grasp on what I need for art, so my studio will be better prepared. (Needed: More paint and a mechanical pencil sharpener!) I'll do more around the house, even if I'm clumsy at chores. My grandmother has a 50-year head start and learning the ins and outs of this place - and things must be done properly - so I fumble around like an idiot most of the time. Next time I'm here, I might even cook a decent meal. I'm 0-for-2 so far. (The thing about cooking for an Alzheimer's patient is that he eats with ZERO politeness.)

Anyway, I need a recharge. I need to turn my sarcastic awesome back into actual awesome.

Baby, I've got an eight-inch Monster!

You know you want it.

After drawing a tiny Ms. Monster, idle sketching tonight turned into one of the biggest Precocious figures I've done. Her coloring is still improbable, she's too tall and her work clothes are bland even for intentional blandness - but, as I had no intention of drawing her or working in colored pencil at all tonight, I will happily take what I get!

Skeptical Cat is Fraught With Skeptism

"What do you mean, 'let's go run errands and do dinner'? Do you not realize it is 4pm on a Friday? In DC? During the holiday season?"

In a related story, I am now traumatized for life... which is impressive, since it's hard to find a part of me that hasn't already been traumatized for life.

(Original LOLcat.)

SHE'S OVER 9000!

With all sketches, there are some errant lines when you are roughing out the size and shape of the head and body. When drawing this Dionne sketch, I noticed a few errant lines seemed to be on the same path, so I connected them. then I connected the other curves in the drawing to create a shape behind her. Then I made more lines. Then... well, she's as surprised as the rest of us to discover herself inside a chi ball.

Then again, if *anyone* was OVER NINE THOUSAAANNNNDD, it *would* be Dionne.

In related news, I just *now* watched the original clip of this thing on YouTube. That's one of the amazing things about the internet: You can be fluent in geek memes without ever seeing/knowing the source. (Shoop da woop?) Granted, geek memes are like sausage and law; watching their formation is a disgusting and soul-deadening experience.

Lessons learned via aftermath

I decided to try another colored pencil sketch and the character of the day was the dreaded teacher, Bette Monster! Mwa ha ha!

This a rare casual shot. As we all know, seeing one's teacher out in the wild is a frightening experience. The whole authoritarian mystique is destroyed. Bette sometimes shows up at the Et house to hang out. The conflict has clearly left her psyche shattered.

In a class of genius psychopaths, Bette has learned the best she can do is let the kids go and try to nudge them in the right direction. Direct opposition results in war wounds. Using their personalities against them: Sadistically satisfying!

This was the first attempt at coloring, and only when I finished the drawing did I look up what collies actually look like. I have the coloring wrong! My god, if we can't trust walking, talking, clothed cartoon animals to have natural coloring... what can we believe in?

Just as I simplified my calico (Tiffany) and tabby (Sky), I'm going to have to let my inappropriate collie coloring to stand. That, or I can just not do my typical hatching in drawings to indicate shading in Bette. I guess we'll find out when I get to the comics.

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

I AM A HUMAN BE - oh, shit!

As kids we watch a LOT of crap cartoons. We're little idiots who have yet to develop any sense of taste at all, nor have we lived long enough to recognize cheap gags and shoddy plotting when we see it. All of Hanna-Barbera was based on this principle. Only in hindsight do we realize how horrible those cartoons were, and then we start counting how many brain went unstimulated and cry. I used to love the Alvin and the Chipmunks moving, for cripe's sake!

But there is some stuff that you KNOW is wrong even then. The shining example of a cartoon so fucked up that even my ignorant fool of a child self knew has moved far beyond the crazy shit border was the Pound Puppies movie. Why, yes, it *was* a Hanna-Barbera production! The premise of the movie was that the Pound Puppies could be turned back into normal dogs by some magic or something. Hold on, I'm on the internet! I can find out more...

Research on Wikipedia tells me it's a magic artifact that gives them the "puppy power" to communicate with humans and, presumably, rip off Scrappy Doo. Another device de-anthropomorphized them into regular dogs who were evil. The climax happens as the sass-mouthed Pound Puppies go up against their own friends in generic canine form.

That's fucked up.

Listen, cartoon people, you can't have dogs running around on their hind legs, talking with people, singing songs, wearing clothes and acting as cartoon characters generally act... and then made them DOGS that run around on all fours barking like the mindless wastes that are real-live dogs. It is unnatural and wrong! Nose Marie should not be prancing along like a southern belle one minute and shitting on the rug the next!

When working with cartoon animals, one can only use so many species jokes before things go into the realm of the creepy. When Woodstock happily chowed down on turkey during the Peanuts Thanksgiving special, I was creeped out. The reason I kept my comic to doggies and kitties is because sentience can be a minefield. If every animal is capable of humanity, then characters casually eating hamburgers becomes some sick cannibalism. D.C. Simpson got around his love for tapping Noah's Ark in character design by making all his characters vegetarian, but still crossed the line over and over in Ozy and Millie. When Timulty, dressed as a knight and riding Millie like a horse, misspoke and threatened to "spay" Ozy instead of slay him, that made Millie's constant desire for a pony look downright well-adjusted by comparison.

When writing the first day of school story for Precocious, there is a strip where Suzette chases after Bud to deliver a heaping bowl of violence. Originally Bud shouted, "Down, girl!" The extension of that is, of course, "bad dog!" I decided not to go to that well in strip #3 and the final line has him screaming, "Ow! Ow! Ow! Bad touch!" That's *also* got some creepy connotations, but it's in the general dark humor section and not at the Animal-Human Confusion Ranch.

Everyone has their own tolerance level for such things. For instance, I think having Tiffany bat around a ball of yarn is just goofy enough to work. Roddy crossing one's path does tend to bring misfortune, but the black cat crossing one's path line would never occur in the Precocious world. Similarly, joking about Autumn in a hen house is rather confusing if you think about it. What would it be in Precocious; leaving a fox unattended in a KFC? Now it's incredibly racist!

But tonight I was watching Lost on DVD and that ugly lab Vincent was getting screen time. Vincent was walking around with his ugly tongue hanging out of his mouth and the usual dog expression, so I drew a canine mouth with its tongue hanging out. Soon, it turned into Autumn acting like a domesticated dog - which is even MORE inappropriate because foxes are not domesticated animals! She's doing the sit/shake/beg routine and I find it highly disturbing.

Man, I rambled for far too long about this. I intended to just mock Pound Puppies and run, but my sleeping pill has been slow to kick in. Oh well, at least I stopped myself before I went into the COMPATIBLE SPECIES essay again.

Fate Favors the Adorable!

Since it's easier than webcammming a 3'x3' painting-in-progress, I will use this sketch to share my joy over completing the writing of the OFFICIAL first Precocious storyline! It is surprisingly Suzette-heavy, but I'm fine with that. It's Autumn's first day of school... which means Roddy is on a mission to save her from the other crazies! Spoiler alert: He fails.

The storyline ends with Autumn explaining to her class why she wears her schoolgirl outfit. As should be expected, it involves manipulation, combat and general life-or-death situations. I'm very proud of this. Another thing I'm proud of is having their teacher, Ms. Monster, openly attempt to traumatize Autumn at the first opportunity. I am such a well-adjusted person.

Oh yeah, it looks like I will finally be back in Winchester Sunday evening. It's been so long, I probably won't even recognize my own house. Oh, that's right, I won't! Kitchen renovations have entered the depressing endgame and my fucktard brother moved into my room - with the stinky, stupid, awful dogs - while I was gone! Oh, it will be good to be back. If you want to contact me, I'll be in the county jail after the murder spree.

Anyway, I'm assuming my few friends check this blog every few days so they can see what I'm up to and because they miss having me around... and they don't just skim over things before seeing me so they can claim they read it. I'm feeling isolated and invisible here - and under considerable stress - so I'd like to think someone is out there to see my words and care about where I am. Again: I am such a well-adjusted person.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Sell My Soul

It's time for more HOT flower action!



Here is my "finished" poinsettia painting. Hotel walls everywhere are about to be classed up!



And here is flower painting part 2: Poppies or some shit. I dunno, they are made of plastic so there's no guarantee they are proper flower replicas. Plastic flower taxonomists could be fucking with me. I just don't know. (Plastic Flower Taxonomists: Bad name for a band, or BADDEST name for a band?) As you can see, I got halfway through the the first treatment of the leaves before Monday Night Football got awesome and distracted me. After that, I had to hurry and put the entire studio away so the cleaning lady that came today would have surfaces to clean.

At the time of this writing, I have been too lazy to pull the art supplies back out from their storage places and set 'em up again. Chances of me doing any more painting tonight: Slim to none.

Oh well, this just means more sexy sketchbook time. Can you believe I went two days without drawing a cartoon animal? Earlier I was bullying my grandmother into keeping a diary and writing childhood stories when I found myself filling the notebook I brought up for her dictation with Jacobs. THE HUNGER RETURNS!

Edit: Fuck the hunger, I watched a movie instead and all I doodled was some ART thing. I wanted cartoon animals and got modernism. I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS!