A pen and ink lifestyle

Instead of sketching today I watched Deep Space Nine DVDs. Ok, I also worked on actual factual comics, but that doesn't sound as pathetic. Or maybe it does, depending on how you value such things. So the bad news is today's post is rather boring. The good news is that you care way more about the comics than this blog, so the sacrifice is worth it! Work on this week's Precocious is moving nicely, and the next Copper Road is ready to go!

I had planned to finish up the St. Tiffany painting today, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. (I hope.) Truth is, I was too lazy to set things up today for painting. It requires me rearranging the room a bit, and some days that's more energy than I can muster. Tomorrow I'll redecorate, I swear! Crap, tomorrow I also have to get the Sunday strip ready to ship off to the colorist too! I swear! Damn, tomorrow I'm gonna have to work for real! I swear!

I also wasted a perfectly good blog title on a perfectly bad blog post. I swear...

I put on my robe and wizard hat

Edit: Hey, disappointed Googlers! Check out my comic strip, Precocious! It's far more entertaining than this post!

Rather than be internet social, which I must do if I have to beg for PHP assistance in getting the new website ready, I decided to go the other way. I started watching Battlestar Galactica again and sketched some outsider characters. Quincy is the strip's designated uber-nerd, so he seemed an appropriate subject. On that note, Quincy outgeeks me and it's rare that I can make a reference of which he would approve. This is why he's on the OTHER side of the classroom.

Fear and Loathing in the Basement

I couldn't figure out what to share today, so I stared at this blog in despair. Then I started sketching my face. Do I do the ego and cartoonify the Chrispy? (That's right, THE Chrispy!) I don't exactly sit around doodling myself that often, so my Chrispy drawing is primative and raw.

Anyway, this is not a story about doodle Chrispy, this is a story about a near disaster that would have wrecked my life and destroyed my faith in the universe. My DVD player went on the fritz!

This might not seem like a disaster to you, but I only work in two ways: With sports in the background, and while playing DVDs. I need stuff in my TV to distract the stupid part of my brain so the productive part can get things done! Without it, I am lost. Music puts me into a trance, where I sit for hours doing one thing. Stuff on the TV has a finite lifespan, and the constant shifting keeps me moving along. DVDs with me: Serious business. My DVD player is the only one that can satisfy me: A 5-disc darling that was built to sync with my Sony Bravia HDTV! It was perfect for me. During a productive streak, I can burn through TV on DVD discs like no one's business, and it's much more preferrable to do it with a few clicks of a remote than constant disc shuffling.

Last night, put in Tropic Thunder and got out what I needed to ink some comics. BAD HAPPENED. It would skip a bit, the audio would cut out and at one point it was just static. Um. Next disc? Same thing. I pulled out the discs, turned off the player, let it sit, then tried again. NOTHING. All it would do would shudder and blink helplessly. No inking was done that night. Panic and despair took over instead. I had to watch Tropic Thunder on my computer, and all joy was drained from it.

The player was under warranty, but it would still cost me $33 plus time and effort to get it replaced with a refurbished model. Y'know, a machine that already sucked once enough to fail. I was not pleased.

Today I was resigned to suck it up and try to hook in the Bose speaker/dvd system I "borrowed" from my family. This meant lots of switching out cords, and my brain has no desire to do technical stuff like that. So I gave the player another shot. Nothing but that blinking light. The HDMI light. Hmm. I have a spare HDMI cable lying around, maybe I'll try swapping that...

And the light stayed on! I watched a movie! It was the blasted CABLE! A $4 solution is far greater than a $120 solution.

Anyway, this isn't remotely interesting, but I SHARED, DAMMIT!

Things that go bump in the night.

No, grills that work in a similar fashion to George Foreman's famous cooker do not go bump in the night - as far as I know. I have a potentially interesting story to tell and this was the only sketch done tonight. George Foreman probably goes bump in the night, though. Maybe he's mad that I didn't choose to use his grill as my source, but rather a grill with the caption reading something like, "George Foreman's grill can't compete!"

As foretold, I am back to work on sketching new strips. Tonight's haul ended up being six strips sketched and ready for inking. Not bad for getting back to the grind. As always, I needed media distraction to get my brain to focus. Neko Case on iTunes is far too bewitching, leading the mind to wander into fantasy. Had to put in some basketball to kill the wandering mind, then some Wire DVDs to get me motivated on strip-making.

I finished two DVDs, which puts on disc two of season 5. I'm too close to the end! I can't wait one more day for the next back to DVDs to come in! I'm not going to be up and running until after the mail comes tomorrow! There's only one solution: Take my Netflix packages to the mailbox at 4am!

I suppose the trek is a bit creepy late at night. The driveway is long, the lighting is non-existent and wild creatures have been known to stroll through the neighborhood. Also, I was just watching a bunch of people get stalked and shot for about six hours. Still, the weather was pleasant the spirits were high!

That's when the horror movie began.

Like a good future-axe-holster, my mind started to wander to my grandparents. Dying sucks in its own right, but it's brutal on spouses. I really do worry that the surviving grandparent might just give up, as is common with long-married elderly couples. So I asked myself, "once my obligations are over, will I just give up on living?" Habitually, I did a pocket check for balance. No cell phone or keys, of course. I was defenseless!

I get out to the mailbox and turn around to send my Netflix packages on their way.

*bhuh* *bhuh* *bhuh*

The FUCK was that!? I turn aroumd and look out, trying to see the source of the sound - or at least trying to see if any notable blob is scrambing across the neighbor's yard in my direction.

*bhuh* *bhuh* *bhuh*

It sounds like it's coming from the treeline in the distance. It's not a very recognizable sound...

*bhuh* *bhuh* *bhuh*

Wait, I have it! It sounds exactly like the "axe murderer closing in on a victim" sound effect you hear in movies. I am totally not making any of this up. Some douchebag is SCORING my death with cliches!

*bhuh* *bhuh* *bhuh*

I listen to it for a few more repititions. Doesn't sound like it's getting closer. My guess is a heat pump trying to figure out what the hell it's doing at the always temperature-fuckly 4am. So I turn my back to the sound and walk down the driveway.

*bhuh* *bhuh* *bhuh*

Did it just get louder?

*bhuh* *bhuh* *bhuh*

Maybe not. I keep walking.

*bhuh* *bhuh* *bhuh*

Maybe that's a sound an old dog who smoked three packs a day would sound like...

*bhuh* *bhuh* *bhuh*

Man, no one is going to believe horror sound effects started playing for me!

*snap*

Oh, DAMMIT! There's the token "killer stepping on a twig so the victim turns around to die face-first" sound. I always hoped my life would end up making a good movie, but a Friday the 13th sequel? Man, even the film gods hate me.

*bhuh* *bhuh* *bhuh*

I am going to keep walking at a leisurely pace, partly due to pride and partly due to horror movie logical fallacy. Victims who pause, look around, get unnerved by sounds and finally start running like idiots ALWAYS get killed, therefore running away from suspicious sounds causes death!

*bhuh* *bhuh* *bhuh*

You know what, fuck dignity! I've reached the loving glow of the side light and, even if said killer was real, I had 'em in a sprint. I run through the gate, close it, run around to the back door, head inside, lock the door, turn on the lights and debate whether this is amusing enough to justify a post.

Well, who reads this but me and people brushing up on my recent history for their monthly visit with me? Only one person even remotely cares, so I'm doing it for me!

The copyright info is in Franklin Gothic again!

That means I'm home! (It's Impact or Rockwell when I'm on the road.)

There will be little unwinding here in the immediate future, unfortunately. After a month of being converted to an animal/idiot/both sanctuary, my studio needs to be set up anew - a daunting task for someone as mentally drained as I.

Let's do the rundown. Moron brother has entered his 922nd consecutive day of being "sick" when asked to do work, so my grand welcome home came in lots of heavy lifting with garbage and a trip to Costco for the heavy lifting of garbage-to-be. Moron brother apparently lost one of the packages containing an order from Amazon.com, so I might have to fight the system to replace the lost goods in my future. Moron brother's definition of cleaning is, "move stuff from one surface to another surface around the corner," so you can guess what my room is like right now. Moron brother was also force to move back home, so all this stuff is strew about, adding much to the ambiance here. Moron brother's irresponsibility with my mother's credit card has forced our family to cancel Christmas to deal with the debts he's accumulated. Man, life SUCKS over here. I wonder if there's one common element that is causing all this dysfunction...

Tonight my plan is simple: Focus my stress into an eating disorder (the fat, unsexy one), break out the alcohol my brother hasn't consumed yet (he consumed a bottle of whiskey and tequila, both purchased by me, while here), and devote my life to TV on DVD. I have many options! I watched Lost season 1 while in DC, and season 4 was in the packages waiting for me, so I could continue and watch the new three seasons back to back to back. Black Friday was good to me in that I got all of Battlestar Galactica on DVD for half price, so I could start on that again. I have the first three discs of The Wire season 2 from Netflix FINALLY! The system failed me and sent the last discs first, so only now do I get to watch in order. Mom bought me the John Adams series on DVD as a gift, so that's there as well. Basically, I'm set for a piece of performance art wherein I will be playing the role of a shut-in.

As for the SKETCH, which has been ignored so far, I was feeling really sick last night and couldn't stop drawing... happy characters? Ok, whatevs. Most of drawings, being done through fever and fatigue, were crap and incomplete - but the Jacob one was close enough that I could fix the major errors (proportions) with Photoshop. The book is my joke on his corny smile. Anyone worth their salt should get the reference. If you don't, WHY DIDN'T YOU COME OF AGE IN THE 90'S LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!?!?!

Update edit: Amazon had agreed to replace my lost package. Yay! I eschewed DVDs for DVR and I'm watcing the Survivor finale/reunion. (Any non-Matty, non-Susie winner is fine by me. Sugar totally should have won, though.) I think I will go Wire after this, since Netflix must miss me by now! The goal is to drink myself into submission and stay up as late as possible so I sleep through the workers tomorrow. (Re-edit: Yes, I realize drinking myself into a stupor is not conducive to watching the ultra-complex The Wire, but I AM A GENIUS! My brain may be smart even when addled by CLASSY LIQUEURS! Or... I could watch the braindead Heroes episode I missed while in DC.

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

I AM A HUMAN BE - oh, shit!

As kids we watch a LOT of crap cartoons. We're little idiots who have yet to develop any sense of taste at all, nor have we lived long enough to recognize cheap gags and shoddy plotting when we see it. All of Hanna-Barbera was based on this principle. Only in hindsight do we realize how horrible those cartoons were, and then we start counting how many brain went unstimulated and cry. I used to love the Alvin and the Chipmunks moving, for cripe's sake!

But there is some stuff that you KNOW is wrong even then. The shining example of a cartoon so fucked up that even my ignorant fool of a child self knew has moved far beyond the crazy shit border was the Pound Puppies movie. Why, yes, it *was* a Hanna-Barbera production! The premise of the movie was that the Pound Puppies could be turned back into normal dogs by some magic or something. Hold on, I'm on the internet! I can find out more...

Research on Wikipedia tells me it's a magic artifact that gives them the "puppy power" to communicate with humans and, presumably, rip off Scrappy Doo. Another device de-anthropomorphized them into regular dogs who were evil. The climax happens as the sass-mouthed Pound Puppies go up against their own friends in generic canine form.

That's fucked up.

Listen, cartoon people, you can't have dogs running around on their hind legs, talking with people, singing songs, wearing clothes and acting as cartoon characters generally act... and then made them DOGS that run around on all fours barking like the mindless wastes that are real-live dogs. It is unnatural and wrong! Nose Marie should not be prancing along like a southern belle one minute and shitting on the rug the next!

When working with cartoon animals, one can only use so many species jokes before things go into the realm of the creepy. When Woodstock happily chowed down on turkey during the Peanuts Thanksgiving special, I was creeped out. The reason I kept my comic to doggies and kitties is because sentience can be a minefield. If every animal is capable of humanity, then characters casually eating hamburgers becomes some sick cannibalism. D.C. Simpson got around his love for tapping Noah's Ark in character design by making all his characters vegetarian, but still crossed the line over and over in Ozy and Millie. When Timulty, dressed as a knight and riding Millie like a horse, misspoke and threatened to "spay" Ozy instead of slay him, that made Millie's constant desire for a pony look downright well-adjusted by comparison.

When writing the first day of school story for Precocious, there is a strip where Suzette chases after Bud to deliver a heaping bowl of violence. Originally Bud shouted, "Down, girl!" The extension of that is, of course, "bad dog!" I decided not to go to that well in strip #3 and the final line has him screaming, "Ow! Ow! Ow! Bad touch!" That's *also* got some creepy connotations, but it's in the general dark humor section and not at the Animal-Human Confusion Ranch.

Everyone has their own tolerance level for such things. For instance, I think having Tiffany bat around a ball of yarn is just goofy enough to work. Roddy crossing one's path does tend to bring misfortune, but the black cat crossing one's path line would never occur in the Precocious world. Similarly, joking about Autumn in a hen house is rather confusing if you think about it. What would it be in Precocious; leaving a fox unattended in a KFC? Now it's incredibly racist!

But tonight I was watching Lost on DVD and that ugly lab Vincent was getting screen time. Vincent was walking around with his ugly tongue hanging out of his mouth and the usual dog expression, so I drew a canine mouth with its tongue hanging out. Soon, it turned into Autumn acting like a domesticated dog - which is even MORE inappropriate because foxes are not domesticated animals! She's doing the sit/shake/beg routine and I find it highly disturbing.

Man, I rambled for far too long about this. I intended to just mock Pound Puppies and run, but my sleeping pill has been slow to kick in. Oh well, at least I stopped myself before I went into the COMPATIBLE SPECIES essay again.

The wrath of text

(Again, I hate sharing the examples from the actual strip. My hope was that it would reduce small enough to make the text unreadable, but to get that point was to make my cute Jacob drawings too tiny. My solution was to cut out panel four and the punchline, even if said punchline is fairly easy to figure out.)

It's official: Text-heavy strips take longer than art-heavy strips.

Granted it is mostly mental, but morale plays a large part in art. Complex drawing is ART, so it is worth the time invested. Doing my best to write legibly while trying to keep my pen from smearing due to my left-handedness is a CHORE, so any time spent on it sucks by definition.

Another factor is how I prefer to work. For art, I am best when I've got a DVD going. TV on DVD is the greatest thing ever. So much of my art has been produced with Lost, Rome or Grey's Anatomy in the background. I avoid most comedies, as they are either too engaging or not striking enough to occupy my stray thoughts. Futurama is the exception, as it's amazingly rich *and* I've seen every episode so many times I can easily tune it out if I need to focus on art. Re-watching stuff is key, since the DVD is a distraction and not my main focus. (When watching things for the first time, I work in my sketchbook instead of on the *real* art.) I don't need quality programming either - the almost-good Babylon 5 works, as does a reality TV marathon. Sports I don't give a fuck about are awesome as well. I loved the World Cup, even though I hate soccer. I also have a reason to watch college sports, even though I find them sick, amoral and cheap. On the flip side, I can't work on Sundays during the football season because I'm a NERVOUS WRECK!

My recent spurt of productivity has come from the Lord of the Rings trilogy and Battlestar Galactica. Well, LOTR mostly. Galactica is a bit too engaging, which means I hit my sketchbook instead of the drafting table. Even worse, all my text duties happen at the light table - meaning I can't look up at the TV whenever the music indicates I have to *watch* something. Instead of working by the show, I found myself pausing it and going off to do the text work because I was scared I'd miss something. Drawing during BSG is a piece of cake... but I'm fragging monologing instead!

Maybe it's the option to watch that makes all the difference. Working to music is a deadly folly for me. I'm fanatical about my music and I easily get lost in it. I can listen to a play list repeating for hours and not notice the passage of time at all. Maybe it's the time frame. With a movie or TV show, I have to make the conscious decision to stop working and watch for an extended period of time. With music, it's easy to say, "I love this song... what's four more minutes?" over and over and over...

Alright, enough time wasting. I'm not really so self-absorbed that I'd think anyone would find this interesting. I'm just typing until my sleep med kicks in. Although, if anyone is still reading at this point, I appreciate it. A good friend sits and listens even when a friend is being a bore. I'D DO IT FOR YOU! Hey, just be glad you didn't have to sit through this in person. (Uh...again.) Ahh, blogs: Places to talk about things that would ruin verbal discussions. THERE IS NO SHAME ON THE INTERNET!

Man, maybe I should have tried to get a worthy post to keep up my daily trend. Whatevs. Chances are my *big* plan won't get done in a day, so filler is the only solution. No, I am not adding a "filler" label. At least not yet. I don't want to have to make that "Is this filler?" call every time I write something. It'd be hell on the self-esteem. The "Fail" tag already causes enough hardship.

Oh, and this rambling, text-heavy post is ALSO reinforcement of the post's original premise that text-heavy stuff is less fun than pretty pictures. THIS POST IS META! SURPRISE!