Playoff bound

So I've been rambling to a friend about football! football! football! I had had a lousy ride home - stuck for an hour with the interstate shut down! - and I needed some rambling time to burn off steam, ok? As I explained the playoffs and added my opinions - my many opinions - my eye turned to the pile of "I should stop ignoring these" papers on my desk. At the top, were my old football sketches from October 2008. They had hung over my scanner since then. I had recently taken them down, as the character designs had evolved quite a bit - and I kept knocking them out of place when scanning.

It was time to do some updating. Ahh, the memories! At the time of drawing, the Redskins were 6-2 and cruising... on their way to horrible failure! The Patriots were in command of their division and knew they were golden... until they slacked too much and missed the playoffs on a tiebreak. The other six teams I support were all miserable failures... until the Chargers somehow pulled a miracle to win the division. (The rest remained sucky.) What would be the update?

This season, my teams fared a bit better. Roddy's Chargers, Dionne's Patriots and Suzette's Packers all made the postseason. Time for an update in drawings! Well, at least in simple sketchy form. I like seeing some smiling faces on my football fans, dangit! Now if only the other five teams can pull themselves out of their misery...

I may want to go back and redo them all, for the new year! I still have that sketchbook, so I can make them the correct size. Roddy at least needs to be redone, as his character design changed muchly since he was first drawn.

In the end, this is really not interesting at all - but it did give me something to draw on a day when I'd have been happy to nap it away!

When does hockey start?

Oh, who am I kidding? Football is my abusive lover. It can break my heart and my spirit, and I'll keep coming back over and over. Why must I root for such lousy teams? (Seahawks, you may be my only glimmer of hope.)

Is this what I get for choosing my favorite teams via color scheme? Hey, it may sound weak - but I've been rooting for these teams for over 20 years now. I think I've earned proper fandom! Aside from my beloved Redskins (being born into a sports-loving DC family ensured my loyalty), I chose to branch out one day by looking over the other teams in the newspaper. I chose three more teams: The Seahawks, the Browns and the Falcons. I loved the stylish bird logos, and I had to admire the balls it took for the Browns to not have a logo. "We're the Browns and all we give you is a field of orange - AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!" Solid! As new teams were added, I adopted (to like-but-not-love) the Panthers, the Jaguars and even the Ravens. (I know I'm supposed to hate them with a passion - but they ARE the team I grew up rooting for and their theme and colors are so damn good!)

Anyway, I've already covered my bizarre rooting strategy on this blog last year, so I won't tangent there any more. I'll just say that optimism is not very high. It's times like these when I look to FANTASY football to pick me up - except I'm doing even WORSE there. I had horrible drafts. Terrible luck out of the gate combined with my poor decisions making is shaping up to result in three narrow losses this week. My only win will come in the league I got Adrian "a bajillion points" Peterson - and that is marred because I went against him in another league.

It's hard being a DC sports fan. I grew up with the Redskins heyday, with Joe Gibbs and all those Super Bowls. I gained expectations! The Orioles never won the World Series, but Cal Ripken gave us pride! Heck, during those days the Browns were the winningest team in the league! My, how times have changed.

Nowadays the Redskins are owned by a petulant fool who ruins team chemistry and racks up bad karma every year. The Orioles have been awful for a loooong time. The Nationals became the new home town baseball team, and they might be the worst team in history! I don't give a crap about basketball, so the Bullets/Wizards were out from the start.

At least the Capitals are decent in this era. Yay hockey!

I know this post was kinda lame, but a "Fail to the Deadskins" reaction was due! Plus, I've done nothing except the tiniest bit of comic work today, so it was all I had to share.

Hail... victory?

It's football time! (The Steelers-Titans game didn't count because I hate them.) As I savor these last moments before the games begin, when optimism exists - who knows, the Redskins might have a winning record! - I shudder with anticipation. I'm a football junkie and, finally, Sundays have become holy for me!

I need to finish (read: START) the next Copper Road today, but it'll be hard to tear me away from the stats as they pour on on NFL.com. (I'm also a FANTASY football junkie.) Hope still exists though. The games will be glorious!* The work will get done!* My teams will all win!* It'll be awesome!*

*may not prove true.

Hopping on the bandwagon!

Well, at least ONE Pennsylvania team isn't making the Super Bowl. I can't bear to watch the other game unfold, as I don't think things are going well. I'm trying not to check in, as the Ravens only seem to score when I turn off the TV. Yeah, yeah, I know. I see it this way: If a stupid sports fan superstition means I don't watch a team I like lose against a team I despise - alright! If they win, I will still be happy! Yay ignorance!

I do seriously enjoy that the widely-proclaimed "worst team to ever make the playoffs" is going to the Super Bowl. Suck it, haters! If every team I root for shit the bed this season, I might as well root for the best story.

Instead of the game, I am watching Big Love from On Demand! The plan is to ink a pile of strips. If accomplished, it would put me two weeks ahead!

Edit: I caved and checked on the game. Sure enough, that was when Flacco finally realized he was a rooking and make sure all jackasses in the area are happy. I HATE WHEN AWFUL PEOPLE ARE HAPPY! If only we had gone to Buffalo Wild Wings... that could have reversed the jinx! Or is that only when Dana is there? I BLAME YOU, DANA! Man, it's hard to keep track of nonsensical superstitions. Anyway, I hope someone finally goes through with my plan and paves over all of Pennsylvania. We need the parking space more than the people. Just sayin'...

The age of punters...

In football, no one appreciates the kickers. They are just weird people who hang around to do one thing; and they keep inviting teammates to parties even though no one ever comes. (This is why I went with Suzette for the sketch.) Many of them are so misguided, they started life playing the *other* football. It's like they got confused, wandered into the wrong stadium and the couch said, "Hey, why not?"

The theme of the playoffs so far: PUNTERS ARE GODS! Last night Mike Scifres was unpronounceably good, pinning the Colts next to the end zone all game. Today, Sam Koch wrecked the Dolphins' self-esteem all day with uncanny skill in pinning them deep. Must be the creatively-spelled names. ("Ciphers and Cook were our slave names!") While the Ravens ended up dominating the Dolphins in nearly every aspect, field position was the only thing holding Peyton Manning at bay in San Diego. In both game, punters crushed the spirits of the evil teams and therefore they are my heroes.

Now it's time to root for the Vikings to knock out the Eagles. Shit. Their punter, Chris Kluwe, is goddamn awful and single-footedly responsible for losing a few games for his team. He *does* have the strange surname though, so there's still a chance!

(Maybe I should change Suzette's last name to Graedhe...)

On the comic front, tonight the first regular update will happen. Yay! I have four strips finished and ready for scanning, so no stress tonight! The next strips I draw will feature the new Roddy. It shall be magnificent!

Impromptu football live-blogging edit: Kluwe's first punt resulted in EPIC FAIL. Spell your name right, jerk. You are not deserving of the scrabble-draw name!

Re-edit: Game over and I blame the punter for the loss. Go back to playing WoW, Kluwe. You stink worse than a hungover orc.

Finally, a holiday I can support!

Thanksgiving time! This may be my favorite of all holidays. If I was on schedule with my strip and doing regular updates, this would have turned into a strip. Since I'm over four months behind at this point, the idea is reduced to a graphic novel-ish sketch. Tiffany is living the fantasy, even I prefer light meat over dark. Hey, cartoonists are legally obligated to draw feasting characters holding a drumstick. It's in the Constitution. Go check! The James Bond-ish joke here was stolen from a Fark headline. I wish I could claim it as my own, but alas...


Ok, so the whole being thankful thing is lost one me (in all likeliness, there will be a sad and bitter post tomorrow on this subject) but Thanksgiving has so much for me to love! Football all day? Check. Large quantities of my favorite foods? Check. Being able to tune out annoying family conversations due to football and/or food-induced coma? YEEHAW! Not *needing* to avoid conversation? 'Ello, we have a new twist!

Thanksgiving for me has traditionally been spent with my mother's side of the family. They are normals, which just seems wrong. Smart, well-adjusted and successful people in my family? WHERE ARE THE CRIPPLING MENTAL PROBLEMS AND TRAGICALLY COMPELLING STORIES? Conversation can be difficult.

Them: "I just ran a marathon and went to a big party."
Me: "I spent the last week hiding in the dark while clawing at the bugs underneath my skin."

In addition to showing me how live can be lived if a talented genius was sane, that side of the family is great because they are as obsessed with sports as I am. It doesn't matter if we have no rooting interest - although we will all unite to root against the fucking Cowboys - it opens the door for sports blather in all its delicious glory. Seriously, it's hard to find an intellectual peer who is not above rooting for morons playing games that focus on, ugh, PHYSICAL prowess. I love a chance to be a sports geek. (Note for nerds who hate athletes but want to love the game: Since football uniforms are so padded, you can imagine the players as robots instead of asshole jocks.)

So normally Thanksgiving with mom's folks works because it is the one time I can blend in. The problem is the TRAVEL. Three hours and an overnight stay? That's lost of *extra* conversation without the ability to hide behind food and sport. C'mon, family, let's admit it: We'd all be terrified to learn too much about each other. My brain would scare you, as my brother's metro brain would scare me.

Dad's side of the family is my side. We're all crazy jerks, but in the same zesty way! Our dinner conversation can be frank analysis of each other's psychological defects in between meandering stories of how we've confused others in the normal world. Only problem: They're not much for Thanksgiving and NONE of them like sports. I wanted to spend time with them, but I didn't want to sacrifice what I love about this holiday... so I made a deal! Give me Thanksgiving and I will come.

Since cooking is out of the question due to everyone here dying rapidly, they ordered a full meal from one of those stores. Maybe if might not be as good as home cooking, but it's perfect when preparation could lead to funerals. Also, after years and years of being DEVASTATED by minimal leftovers - THE BEST PART OF THE MEAL, DAMMIT - I have requested sole control of all remaining turkey. It's been years since we went home with enough turkey to last past two sandwiches. Mmmmm..... turkey sandwiches. Om nom nom!

With food covered, the focus turns to football. Thankfully, my aunt's partner is on my side. As long as we both enable each other, we get our football time! Also, when the games turn out to suck - I hate the Cowboys and Titans, and it's clear they will destroy the Lions and my beloved Seahawks - I can go chat with the family AND ENJOY IT!

On paper, this looks to be awesome. In practice... well, that will determine how depressing my "FUCK THIS GIVING OF THANKS SHIT!" post tomorrow will be.

'Tis the holy day

That's right... football day!

Turns out it's a fairly pleasurable experience when your favorite teams are on bye, have already sucked and died this week and are so mutilated by injuries that their losses bring sympathy instead of frustration. I got to watch games where my soul wasn't riding on the outcome, which was nice. It was fun to watch the Ravens curb-stomp the Texans! Rookie QBs and coaches succeeding beyond anyone's wildest expectations? It's more likely than you think. When I tired of the ass-whooping, I switched over to watch the nonsense bowl, as the Packers and Vikings decided traditional scoring was too boring and went for scoreboard variety.

Anywho, a football sketch was spawned. I was tempted to draw Suzette mowing down everyone, but notebook pages can only fit so much. Jacob going flying in a strange pose is Peanuts-inspired and *not* just me avoiding the pressure of drawing weird angles. Just so you know.

Edit: You know, it looks like I forgot to draw pants on Bud. The image takes on a whole new meaning now! (He really *is* my cartoon avatar!)

Just go ahead and skip this post - part 1

Alternate title: If I could have thought up a properly witty name, I would have set up a sports blog by now.

Seriously, go read my ramblings and whining about common artist frustration (made worse because an *artist* whining ups the douchebaggery quotient greatly) and look at the beginnings of potential pretty pictures in the post below.

This is just getting something out of my head. No, it's not about emotions. It's about sports. I love sports and I'm a complete and total BORE when talking about sports. Today I actually out-talked my jerkoff brother (known for rattling off so many empty statements on autopilot that he continues even when you leave the room) because his congratulations on my Browns winning led me to talk football. I have a LOT to say about football, and no one in their right mind would want to hear it.

The goal here is to go team-by-team and blather in an attempt to purge my football chatting desires. If you keep reading, you only have your dumb self to blame. Today's post is about the NFC, the conference of kings!

NOTE: Many of the football player/coach names are likely misspelled. I did no research at all for this post. Deal with it.

NFC East:

I was born and raised in DC. My family has rooted for the Redskins for generations. We bleed burgundy and gold. I grew up watching the first Joe Gibbs era when the Redskins won three super bowls. Guess how THESE statements are going to go!

Redskins: Gotta start with my 'Skins. Even after the soul-hurting loss, there is still optimism in DC. I think we all knew the Rams were the upset pick of last week. The Redskins had fought hard for four games, winning each time as the underdog and beating four great teams. Since football is such an emotional and momentum-based game, the worst team in the league coming to town was seen as a way to take a breather and relax from the extreme tension from the first quarter of the season. The Rams, on the other hand, were very hungry for a win and had everything to prove. Even with the 'Skins off-balance, they came very close to winning on a bad day. 100 things went wrong for them on Sunday. Had only 99 things gone wrong, the Redskins would have won.

When I was watching the Eagles game with the *other* side of my family - the side where my only connection to them is sports - I was doing the typical cynical Redskins fan thing. I was happy to see success, but steeling myself for the moment when it all falls apart. My preppy cousin then turned to me and told me not to act like an Eagles fan. They go to every game assuming the worst, ready to boo at the first incomplete pass. They seem to *like* being sad sacks, and because of that Philly teams *deserve* to lose in heartbreaking fashion. Good advice. I'm going to enjoy what I can from this Redskins season, because we're playing with house money at this point.

Eagles: See above. Because their fans suck, they should suck too. I blame the 49ers for not finishing the Eagles off, as that would have killed any Philly optimism remaining. Seriously, that city should not be allowed success. If the Phillies even get to the World Series, I will be sad.

Team-wise, I fear Deshawn Jackson. Fortunately, he is as stupid as he is talented. If the boy ever stops actively failing, I will be scared. Fortunately, that should be right about the time when Donovan McNabb finally explodes on field. We all know it's coming. His leg will snap off, he'll puke on the field, shudder a bit, briefly burst into flames and then go boom. Fans should consider all future Eagles games as potential Gallagher shows.

Giants: I've always admired Tom Coughlin, so I'm glad he's been vindicated. Still, I hate when a coach or player I like goes to a team I don't. I suppose if an NFC East team that is NOT the 'Skins should win a Super Bowl, I'd prefer it to be the Giants - but that's like me saying I'd prefer to have my leg amputated instead getting my head chopped off. Also, Eli Manning needs more Manning face. Like his damn brother, he has a media-driven Super Bowl MVP that is not deserved and a Super Bowl win that came from the other team mysteriously sucking come the playoffs. The last three Super Bowl winners have been painfully unfulfilling. It's one thing for having teams I hate winning because they're the best, but the Steelers, Colts and Giants just sort of won games when their better opponents failed to show up.

Cowboys: Fuck Dallas. They deserve all the misfortune they get for the soulless arrogance on which the franchise is built. Sometimes bad people are great athletes. All times those awful people seem to end up in Dallas. The entire team, coaching staff, ownership and fan base should die of pancreatic cancer. Don't look at me like that. I'm being merciful! That cancer kills you quickly, so they won't suffer long. The human race will benefit from the skimming of scum from the gene pool.

NFC South:

For many sports people, this is their least-liked division. There are no big-market, big history teams, so fuck 'em! The south is COLLEGE football country, so this division is unworthy due to the teams not commanding as much attention. You know what? FUCK THOSE PEOPLE! I love the NFC South! Artistically, they all have great logos and colors. Also: The hottest cheerleaders.

Panthers: This team is overdue for a Super Bowl. They need to win it to shut the big-market-loving talking heads the fuck up. Tom Brady goes down, and the Patriots get tons of pity. Jake Delhomme goes down and analysts rant about how sucky the team is and how John Fox should be fired. They had to get a shovel and dig up Vinny Testeverde, for Pete's sake! Worst still: They tried to let David "getting sacked gives me sexual pleasure" Carr play QB! People should be amazed they won seven games with those guys! C'mon, Panthers, win the Super Bowl and use the trophy to sodomize every sportscaster in America. They are way too inconsistent this year, but I am still hoping they pull it together.

Falcons: I've always had a fondness for the Falcons, even if they lost their favorite spot when the Panthers hit the league. Matt Ryan playing like a #3 draft pick should play is just awesome. This is a team that took a poor talent pool (thanks to the exciting-yet-failtastic roster built around Michael Vick) and rebuilt with shocking speed. Their new coach came from the Jaguars, a team I love, so I wish them the best of success. If tradition in this topsy-turvy division continues, then this is the Falcons' year! If anything, I want to see a dynasty created around Matt Ryan and a stellar offensive line. Postseason success isn't even necessary (yet) - just stringing together a few winning seasons in a row is what that city needs.

Saints: Basically, I want the Falcons to win this division and the Panthers and Saints to get both NFC wild cards. The Saints have been raped by officiating this year. They should have won against the Broncos and Vikings. They did not deserve to get Hochuli'd. How much crazy misfortune can a good team weather? This is another team that deserves a Super Bowl soon. (How about this: Panthers this year, Seahawks next year, then Browns, then the Saints. THEN the Redskins for the next five decades. Sound good?)

Drew Brees is a savior to franchises that deserve a good turn, so yay him. Toss in a *healthy* bruiser running back (Hurry back, Deuce!) to compliment Reggie Bush's evasive talents and you've got an exciting team to watch. Oh, and someone kill their kicker. Even WITH all the officiating blunders, the Saints would have won if not for the Grammaticasualty. If only Grammatica hadn't tried his new technique of kicking with a broomstick shoved up his ass. If the season doesn't end with Grammatica and Hochuli dead via suicide, then the season is a failure.

One more thing, Saints. I've given you four seasons to do something novel: Get a defense. When the best you can do is signing a guy who was the third-best CB on the Patriots, meaning he was outranked by a scarecrow propped up at the goal line, you might want to reassess your defensive perspective.

Buccaneers: You know, it was cute when they were the lovable losers. Everyone likes the story of a team turning itself around, right? You know what? No. Fuck them in their Fuckaneers.

At first I was excited. They decided to toss out their creamsicle colors and go with a kickass logo, awesome pirate ship stadium and win the war of aesthetics. This is something I can get behind. The problem is the rebranding was not stylish, but a symptom of throwing tons of money at the team to win a championship NOW. They gave away tons of draft picks, threw piles of money at players, brought in all the elements needed to win... and fucking won. MAN, THE REDSKINS HAD BEEN DOING THAT FOR YEARS AND IT NEVER WORKED FOR US! (Note: I HATED Snyder for that ploy when they did it then and have found a renewed love for the 'Skins because they are building a team through coaching and drafting - AND SUCCEEDING WILDLY SO FAR!) Even worse: Turns out all those picks and dollars spent on coach Gruden were totally worth it. That guy keeps resurrecting a team that has no right in staying afloat considering its deficit spending. I also hate them for sending Tony Dungheap to the Colts.

NFC North:

The day this division stops becoming largely irrelevant is a day I greatly fear.

Vikings: I'm really not sure why I don't root for the Vikings. I'm not *against* them, but they're never more than neutral. For me, their job is to hand the Bears two losses every year. They have not been doing that enough. (Not that I've checked the stats to see how they've performed.)

My grandfather, the Dane, loves his Viking heritage. That means I should root for them out of Danish obligation. So what do I do? I root for the Packers. Sorry, Vikings.

Also: The Vikings this year have only avoiding epic failure (they are just regular failures for now) due to bad officiating. I can't respect that.

Packers: I know he's gone, but I want to talk Brett Favre anyway. Why do I root for him? Yeah, I know... He's overexposed, his "gunslinger" label is just a spin job to cover for his occasional sloppy play, he had a painkiller addiction and his blue jeans adds are a plague. Still, think about it... THIS IS ALL I WANT FROM MY LIFE!

I want to be universally, and sometimes unjustifiably, worshiped by the media. I want to have my quirks, down the the worst aspects of me, become a beloved identity and positive thing. (See also: "Manny being Manny.") I want to have a life where everything I do (save one instance) is quite respectable AT WORST! Remember: Favre has only had one losing season EVER! Even when he sucked, he was better than most in the industry. Fuck, I'm even down for the painkiller addiction. It seems like a fun way to pass the time for a while - not to mention it gives my biography some padding! I want to be the artistic Brett Favre. That is my dream.

Now, for the *current* team - there's still a lot to respect. The Packers - ironically, in an stupid effort to drive AWAY Favre - have managed to build a young and crazy-talented team. Even the token "fine, Brett, you can have a late-round WR in the draft" picks have been spectacular. I suppose I can respect it in hindsight - but only because that reckless strategy worked. Hey, Packers, you know who *else* had a reckless strategy that worked...?

Oh, and Aaron Rodgers' nose is a gigantic triangle. That amuses me.

Bears: I never liked this team. I never really hated them always. To me, the Bears were that obstacle team one couldn't keep down. They would suck for two seasons, then jump up and knock a team you liked out of the playoffs for a while. It was a regular cycle. As much as I disliked that they kept returning to greatness every few years, I could deal with it because they'd return to sucking soon enough.

And then I started reading Fark sports discussions. Not only are the Chicago sports fans douchbags in the extreme, but they are aggressive douchebags. They take over every sports thread and will not relent. Watching a bunch of people in a competition to say the funniest comment on the day's games is quite enjoyable - but those Chicago fans became unbearable. (No pun intended.) Every time the Bears - or any Chicago sports team - wins, I hate it because it means awful people are happy.

And that's what made the Falcons' amazing miracle win this week so much more satisfying.

Lions: FIRE MILLEN! Oh, wait, you did. Well, good luck with that. Like the Vikings, your guys are tasked with beating the Bears twice a year. I'll even allow you to have a playoff appearance or two in return.

Eventually this team is going to be coached by someone competent, who will coach players drafter by someone competent. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. Just beat the Bear, ok?

NFC West:

Many dislike this division because it is the weakest in football. As a Seahawks fan, I DON'T CARE! Hooray for cream puffs!


Seahawks: IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A THING OF BEAUTY!

I've come to terms that Holmgren, a couch I've always admired, will go out on a low note. It's a real shame, because this is the man who turned a team I have loved through so many awful seasons into a perennial contender. There's only one team in the NFC that's won a playoff game in each of the last few seasons: The never-respected Seahawks. This was supposed to be THE year for them. I could feel it!

Then the entire team died. Every single wide receiver got hurt. The backup QB moved to WR and got hurt. One of their duo of dynamic running backs got hurt. Matt Hasselbeck got hurt. CHARLIE "I AM SYSTEMATICALLY DESTROYING ALL OF CHRISPY'S FAVORITE TEAMS" FRYE IS THEIR QUARTERBACK! KOREN "I SANK CHRISPY'S FANTASY TEAM EVERY YEAR BECAUSE I PLAYED DRUNK OFF MY ASS" ROBINSON IS BACK! It was suppose to just be the end of an era - instead it's THE END OF TIMES!

While I'm a big fan of coach-in-waiting Jim Mora Jr., I'm still worried the Super Bowl window is closing. The great players are getting older and the young ones can't stop snapping in two. It would also help if the young players were great, but the Seahawks' top-notch managers keep getting hired away to teams like the Titans. (The only remaining undefeated team right now. Coincidence?)

I want the Seahawks to win a Super Bowl. I mean, they WON a Super Bowl... but the history books are only going to reflect that ridiculously fixed game as a Steelers "win." After the Panthers win their Super Bowl and sodomize all deserving sports people, it'll be time for the Mora-led Seahawks to win theirs and repeat the process. You may think I'm being excessively vindictive here, but keep in mind my targets are sports writers and personalities. Advocating trophy rape is downright benevolent.

Cardinals: I really enjoyed Deadspin when it was under the reign of Will Leitch. His favorite teams rarely conflicted with my interests and thus I was allowed to share in his joy on the rare occasion such teams did well. His posts were entertaining and beautifully written. Dude could make a case for joining him in cheering his beloved Cardinals (in any sport) to victory. When the baseball Cardinals became the worst team ever to win the World Series, I was pleased because the guy actually got to BE there to see his favorite team of all time take home a championship against all odds! When this bullshit happened in football over the last three years, I felt it was a crime against humanity.

Because Leitch loved his Cardinals, giving the enduring "Buzzsaw" nickname, I was able to appreciate them more - although I was often actively rooting against them. Leitch's fandom was so "aww shucks" likable that a Seahawks choke job was almost made bearable.

The current Deadspin head is from Philadelphia. Scroll back up to my first two team entries for a reminder of what I think about that. To make matters worse, the new supporting editor is a fan of the Tennessee Titans, a team I despise, *and* of southern college football, the reason the NFC South is so disrespected. If it wasn't for Rick Chandler's continued excellence (he's in San Francisco, and thus not a sports threat) I might have abandoned Deadspin completely.

So, yeah, Cardinals.

49ers: You guys have won enough that no one feels that bad that you're team is a heaping pile of suck right now. That's bad for you, but I'm fine with it. Take as long as yon in getting back on your feet. My Seahawks are going to need to rely on the incompetence of others if they want to stay in the playoffs race in the immediate future.

Rams: GREAT TIMING ON GETTING YOUR ACT TOGETHER, MOTHERFUCKERS!

I'd like to think of the painful defeat the Redskins had to the Rams this week like this: Maybe the Rams weren't that bad after all! They have tons of talent on offense and some promising players on defense. Sure, statistically they were one of the worst teams ever this season... but it all seemed to change this week. Well, on defense. As soon as defensive coordinator Jim Hasslett, a very likable guy, got promoted the defense went from worst in the league to singlehandedly beating the Redskins. Al Saunders, the man responsible for hurting Jason Campbell's self-esteem and game play for the past few years is the Rams' offensive coordinator. Al Saunders' playbook is 700 pages worth of fail. Al Saunders could be given Techmo Bowl Bo Jackson personified and still find a way to never score an offensive touchdown again.

Josh Brown, the Rams' kicker, joins the list with Tom Coughlin and the Seahawks' former personal guy as greatly-skilled people who are now lending their talents to teams I hate. I'm happy for their success, but I wish they had all congregated in Jacksonville instead. This may be awkward, as that's where Coughlin came from and Jack Del Rio is doing a great job, but I love the Jags because they are staffed with coaches I really respect. Consolidate the greatness!

There, that was fun. For me. Not you. Fuck you.

Coming soon: Part II - The AFC.

Preview: Fuck the AFC! Every team except for the Browns, Jags, Pats, Chargers, Ravens and Jets \should be lined up against a wall and shot. I only included the Jets in the saved due to Favre, so if Mangini "accidentally" finds himself in front of the firing squad...oops!

It's time to declare Sundays non-canon

First: Here's the Roddy sketch I hinted at before. The expression is kinda blah, but I've been mindlessly crafting this sketch for two days now so I figured it deserved to be finished and posted.

Now, the ranting: What do you do when you've got massive momentum, have played all the hardest games on your schedule with great success, have not yet committed a turnover on offense and have one of the worst teams in history coming into your home stadium this week? If you're the Redskins, you MAKE MY SOUL HURT! I am too involved in football, man. This stuff can ruin my whole day.

Today was a "fuck it" day from the start. I had a dream in which I was visiting Andrew in some random place he was living while I was doing some cross-country trip, or something like that. Most notable: Dude had giant collection of candy! Wherever he was working used to sell candy but decided the demand wasn't high enough and let him take home the full candy rack. Dude was being sort of a dick in not letting me take all the candy I wanted. Listen, bro, if you have a bin of PEACH RINGS there will be no stopping me!

So I woke up with a a natural peach ring craving. Feeling like shit, and without any available drugs to go for a Hollywood style personal downfall, I decided to play the pitiful self-destructive role via food. I went back to Martins to grad my peach rings - in you FACE, Andrew! - and some TV dinners, since cooking for myself is a bitch due to my kitchen being gutted. As is is my habit, I hit up Chipotle for the scrumptious and waist-widening goodness. On the way I had to drive by two crosswalks. Each time the shopper decided to let me go instead, which is incorrect. The second time, I waved a woman through. She gestured for me to go, as she was waiting for her meandering child to get back to her. Naturally, the kid returned as soon as I went forward and dove into the crosswalk. Criminy. In line at Chipotle, a chattering couple in front of me really confused the staff, meaning their normally-efficient machine was working slightly off pace. I finished this up with an embarrassing verbal flub. Whatever, at least I had a "BURRITO!" and peach rings. Once home, self-destructive indulgences were a go!

THEY FOLDED MY BURRITO WRONG! This meant that when I got home I bit into my burrito to find a level of veggies, then a level of chicken, then a level of rice and finally a level of sour cream. Seriously, that's just cruel to a shut-in who is scared to leave his house like me. I may never leave home again after this disappointment.

Oh yeah... My "guaranteed fresh" peach rings were stale as well.

As I move to post this, I am about to lose my football consolation prize thanks to the Cardinals defense decided to take a nap with two minutes to go. There's still time for the Cowboys to lose, but today...

You know what, let's do a play by play:

-Dallas completes a long pass and clocks the ball with three seconds left just out of FG range.
-But wait! A Cardinal was INJURED AND UNABLE TO GET OFF THE FIELD! This means an offsides penalty by default!
-The Cardinals BLOCK THE KICK AND WIN THE GAME!
-But wait! The Cardinals coach called a time out to ice the kicker, blowing his own team's victory.
-The kick is good! Overtime!
-Cowboys win the coin toss, of course.
-Oh, and I just noticed the 49ers collapsed, giving the Eagles a win. Fuck.
-Back to the game: SACK! FUMBLE! Romo recovers, so fuck him.
-Romo throws to the receiver in the first row in the stands for a while, so they must punt.
-THE PUNT IS BLOCKED! TD! CARDINALS WIN!
-But wait! There's a penalty!
-It's on the... COWBOYS?! Holy shit. The win stands! FUCK YOU, DALLAS!

I still won't be happy until the Giants get destroyed by my Browns. (HA!) Hey, the game is on Monday, so today's fuckly nature might not affect it!

One more complaint: The makers of iTunes need to be raped with cacti in every orifice. The "upgrade" seems to have been designed to force PC uses to switch over by MAKING ITUNES NEXT TO USELESS!

Personal Foul - Unneccessary football blathering. 15 yards. Replay down.

I can't stop with the football! These drawings now adorn my wall. They're signed, dated and everything!

Let me explain my football-watching philosophy first:

I am allowed to root for eight teams. This seems odd at first, as sports fan usually have THEIR team while the rest are rivals. Well, I justify my "cloud of favorites" (as one person politely put it) by pointing out how the NFL has eight divisions. If I have one team I root for per division, that means EVERY game played now has some value to me as a fan. I'm not saying my favorites are all created equal. I was born and raised a Washington Redskins fan, so they'll always be tops in my heart. In a virtual tie with the 'Skins are the Cleveland Browns and Seattle Seahawks, two teams I adopted and followed when I was very young. At the time, I chose them because I thought their logos (or lack thereof) were badass - I'm such an artist - but 20 years of actively following them should be enough to make me hardcore no matter the origin. (Woe to the Atlanta Falcons, who rock on the logo and color front but managed to fall from my favorites list over time. I remain fond of them, though.)

To roughly rank my favorites: Redskins, Browns, Seahawks, Jaguars, Patriots, Panthers, Chargers and Packers. You may find it cheap, but I think of it as a potential joy come playoff time if all make it! If I had to pick wild card teams, I'll go with Falcons, Saints, Ravens and... Jets? That would be my perfect playoff set, I guess.

Point is, I got to thinking... "Hey, I have eight main characters and eight favorite NFL teams!" Can I make more football reaction pics? Let's go down the roster! I edited the new two into the old pic to remind you of the picture two posts down, SINCE I CAN'T COUNT ON YOU TO REMEMBER!



Autumn - Redskins. I suppose in the Precocious world, "Redskins" is likely still a racist term... but against foxes! Autumn's a red fox, so there you go! Her Redskins pose is happy and proud!

Bud - Browns. As Bud is the me representative in the strip, he also has my futile devotion to the Browns. That's all. His Browns pose is the deflated look that comes from watching the finally-promising Browns revert to the same old failures.

Jacob - Jaguars. The good team that tries hard and always fall short. Jacob roots for the solid team that's always under appreciated. His Jaguars pose is him so shocked to see the Jags fail - when *everyone* thought this was finally their year - he dropped his game snacks.

Tiffany - Seahawks. This is simple; both Tiffany and 'Hawks are "out there." No one pays attention to the Seahawks because they're off in the (rain)clouds. Her Seahawks pose is the only reaction to watching the "final year" storyline play out in absolute tragedy: Suicidal.

Dionne - Patriots. She chooses a proven winner with some questionable ethics. What a shocker. She doesn't have much of a Patriots fan pose, as I thought I was going to scrap the sketch at first. Oh well, let's just call her cautiously optimistic.

Suzette - Packers. She's adopted the "working class" team, so in touch with the people that the fans actually own part of the team! That's definitely up Suzette's alley. Her Packers pose is simply this: "What the fuck is this shit?" Aaron Rodgers is injured already, just in time for a losing streak. Sheesh!

Roddy - Hmm. I'm down to Panthers and Chargers. Both are good choices for Roddy. Both are quality teams that seem to under perform year after year. The Chargers are known for their recent stint of Martyball, which is a guaranteed exit from their first playoff game. The Panthers are more of a team that underachieves via injury more than anything, which is not Roddy's brand of failure. Still, making Roddy a black panther would be hilariously racist. Should I draw a Roddy, he'll probably be a devastated Charger fan. I may just drop it all, though, because shading a black cat in pencil is tedious. Such is my dedication to art.

Max - And here is where it all breaks down. Max wouldn't be a rabid fan of any team. Instead, he'd happily root for the local team, but be happy to see each team play. He doesn't judge! Since Precocious is based on a school in DC, I suppose his home team would be the already-taken Redskins. Oh well, Max would never wear a team shirt anyway, since it would be mean to all its rivals.

The thrill of victory. The agony of defeat.

(click on the image to see it full-size)

For a true football fanatic, every Sunday is a brutal emotional roller coaster. This year has been particularly painful, as my teams have mostly been suckpiles while those I hate the most are excelling - often with back-breaking wins. Even when teams I hate are only mediocre, they are back-breakingly mediocre. The Colts have lost every game they've played, only to be handed an even record by mind-boggling choking by their opponents. Denver had two games handed to them, all but ensuring they have their division locked up. Fucking team sold its soul to the devil to get the string of luck they've had. Pittsburgh and Tennessee both shut down by plucky underdog Baltimore - with the exception of one drive, allowing them to win after being outplayed. The fucking Dolphins have knocked out two teams I like so far. The NFC east is a goddamn beast, meaning the one team I like that is doing well (Redskins) is going to have to fight like hell to keep pace.

And my top four teams? The Redskins are the lone bright spot, as they've surprised everyone by playing a four-quarter football game. This is a striking upgrade from the "play three, then choke" ball Washington fans are used to seeing. As thrilling as it was to see them win, the joy was tempered by watching all those despised teams make stunning last-minute comebacks to destroy my faith in a just a caring universe.

Otherwise, we have the Jags who have taken up the old Redskins' mantra (and old Redskins defensive coordinator...hmm) to choke in the fourth quarter over and over. The Browns I almost gave a pass due to the second-most brutal schedule in the league, but they've been *so* bad my optimism has gone and died. As for the Seahawks... yeah. I realize everyone is hurt, but this is no way to give a great coach like Holmgren a fond farewell in his last year. Suicide is painless - being a sports fan is agony!

Girls! Girls! Girls!

Dude, they're 9 or 10.

(Clockwise from top-left: Kaitlyn Hu, Autumn Pingo, Dionne Crup, Tiffany Et, Suzette Grady, Yvette Nutley.)

I really wanted to get some work done today, but I couldn't resist the depressing allure of football. At first, things were looking up! The Redskins won a thrilling and fully-enjoyable game! (It'll never happen again.) Then I made the mistake of watching the 4pm games... which curb-stomped my soul.

I am going to be angry at the bullshit officiating of the Chargers game until the day I die. REPLAY EXISTS TO REVERSE BAD CALLS! DON'T COME BACK, ADMIT YOU FUCKED UP AND THEN SAY YOU FUCKED UP SO FUCKING BAD THAT THE FUCKING BRONCOS GET THE FUCKING GAME HANDED TO THEM! WHICH IS THE SECOND FUCKING TIME IN THE FUCKING GAME THE FUCKING REFS FUCKED UP ROYALLY! FUCK! Norv Turner should have been allowed to beat Ed Hochuli to death with his clipboard for those obvious crimes. Yes, Ed is a refereeing beefcake, but I think an anger-fueled Norv could still do some damage. Seriously, if there ever was a case for justifiable homicide...

(You don't want to know how much football-related ranting was edited out of this post...)

ANYWAY, I WAS ANGRY! Instead of smashing things, per norm, I tried to calm down and numb my mind with lame sci-fi. Enter: Threshold! Oops, I mean Fringe. Fox decided to show the premier again with extra bonuses, like a teaser for The Day The Earth Stood Still remake which looks like it might as well be Threshold: The Movie! (To future readers not in my inner circle: Threshold was a sci-fi show that was so poorly written that it became awesome in its incompetence. It's like Showgirls, with fractal patters instead of boobs. And, yes, Elizabeth Berkley does show up in both.) Anyway, Fringe was enough to kill my angry brain cells, allowing me to get to work. I only drew one more strip, leaving me still HOPELESSLY behind, but I did get something productive from my misery. YAY FOR MY NEW POSITIVE OUTLOOK!

Still pissed, and unwilling to start inking things, I turned to the warm embrace of my sketchbook. First came a nice sketch of Dionne. Then a nice sketch of Autumn. Then an OK sketch of Tiffany, which is good considering I've been struggling with her. Well, fuck it.. LET'S GO FOR IT! I drew every girl in our smarty class, and together they average out to be a decent sketchbook page. Fuck it, it's enough to keep my string of half-assed daily posts going! Enjoy!