Thursday, October 15, 2009

Brighty, shiny dayzzzzzzzz...

Ah, vanity. You are a raging, abusive bitch! I had my teeth whitened yesterday, and it was quite the hellish incident. Note: THIS WAS NOT MY IDEA! This was a "gift" to me. Woohoo!

To describe the process involved, imagine A Clockwork Orange but moved four inches down. They hold your mouth open, pack it with gauze, paint over any exposed pink stuff - because it will BURN otherwise - and apply the super whitening gel. Then the head must be held still for 15 minutes as a bright light of laser death cooks the coffee stains away. Then we repeat it! Two. More. Times. AAAAHHH!!

Screw vanity. I'm content with being a quirky artist without the need for a perfect body. I bring the sexy with a real, all-unique personality! The goal is for you to develop rose-colored glasses for everything else. Fall under my spell!

Oh yeah, and the *best* part of everything is what happens AFTER the procedure. See, the teeth are super dehydrated after the whitening, so they need to get the water back inside. And that is accomplished by way of BLINDING PAIN! The dentist calls them zingers! It's like a bunch of tiny men with a bunch of tiny rifles (and mini cannons!) reenacting Gettysburg in my mouth. Most of the time they're just firing guns into my teeth, but every so often that cannon goes off and, BOOM, I scream!

But, hey, at least I'm pretty.

Anyway, I've spent the entire day in bed medicating the pain away. I *was* going to get Saturday and Sunday done for Precocious, but instead it looks like I'll be fighting the clock on that one. I'm still in sleepy mode, ready to nap for another 18 hours. That seems like a plan!

1 comment:

Al S. Romero said...

I LOVE the so-call pain when I go to the dentist. The only problems I have with my teeth is EVERYTHING (except deformality). The real times it was bad was when they had to fill my cavity, tasty mixture of water and a metal drill in your mouth.