A night for hero worship

Today the latest Peanuts collection reached my mailbox. I was really excited for this one, as the strip had finally reached the 80's - meaning I would get to see the strip that ran on my birthday. That's it, up above. It's not an iconic one, but it's mine. (The strip that followed was the one chosen to represent the entire book on the back cover! I missed it by one day! Dang it, Sparky! My birthday was a Monday - you always lead with the best strips on Monday!)

Even though his bite was wasn't always as strong by the 80's, Schulz was still able to knock it out of the park. As I read through this collection, I keep hitting strips that make me laugh and think. In one, Peppermint Patty is happy to be at a library. When asked what book she'd like, she isn't sure, finally asking for a blue one. That hit me because it's exactly how I felt when visiting libraries as a kid. I had no idea what book I wanted, so I'd wander around and grab a book with a pretty binding. I never knew what I was looking for, so no sorting system could help me find it. Eventually I did figure out what I wanted from the library: I found the shelf with a bunch of Peanuts collections.

I'd love to read all four years' worth of material tonight, but I've got to make comics of my own now!

Living the dream!

You've died of dysentery, Charlie Brown!

Ok, so I'm half-conscious and watching some Peanuts special about about the Mayflower... maybe I'm getting the wrong lesson here. I dunno. This thing is serious filler after the nostalgic bliss that is a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.

I had never seen that before, as far I remember, and it was fascinating. The show played out as if it was a series of four-panel strips converted by brute force into animation. It totally didn't work, especially with kids doing the voices, but I could really appreciate the writing. This special obviously came around after Franklin, Woodstock and Marcie were new additions, which means I'll reach that era in the Peanuts archives in the next volume that comes out in six months. By the way, Woodstock was freaking HILARIOUS when he was introduced! I have newfound appreciation for that bird. Just so you know. Also, Woodstock, with extreme excitement, consumed a plate of turkey in the special. Does that make him a bird version of a racist cannibal?

I'll try to make a (happily) cranky post later with a sketch to share, but for now it's the food coma "glory be to conspicuous consumption" thing that dominates.

This Thanksgiving we went the "let someone ELSE do it!" route. Not only did we have a local grocer cook/order our meal, but we brought in a beloved family friend. She and my aunt's partner did ALL the work - and one hell of a job! - while the Paulsens sat around and joked. Lazy Thanksgiving = awesome! Store-bought Thanksgiving turned out to be pretty damn good. The only dish I found lacking was the stuffing, which everyone else adored - so maybe I'm just being persnickety. The mashed potatoes were all consumed, but whatevs - I FINALLY GET MY DAMN LEFTOVERS!

It's been a great day. Even running out to the store was very enjoyable. Everyone there was just beaming and pleasant. I guess when you know you're going home to stuff yourself with as much food as possible - and the biggest problem is, as the guy on a cell phone said: "Honey, they don't have any Neapolitan left - should I just get a bunch for an assortment?" - it's hard *not* to be happy. Don't worry, folks, I WILL FIND THE RAIN CLOUD ON THIS SUNNY DAY! Just... later. I have to return to the coma now.

Overheard from the Peanuts pilgrim special just now: "EVERYONE DIED!?" "Oh, yes!" Awww. This show is better when I don't pay attention.

Progress Report

First, the good news! I'm still moving forward with the comic and there's a chance I will be taking 10 strips to DC for inking. Yay! This means I have to get scripting again, since I only have outlines for the remaining strips. This sketch shown is the last panel from Ivy's introduction strip and the best thing I've drawn today. The pose was not originally planned, but it brings out more of Ivy's character than the initial conception. I think this strip shows Ivy being tuned into what the kids are thinking... and how can she resist poking fun?

Now for the bad stuff! EVERYTHING AROUND ME IS FALLING APART! Both my downstairs refrigerators have gone wonky, so I can't trust them anymore. My DVD player - highly instrumental in my art making - is now completely dead. I watched The Mist. I watched Signs. When I put in The Village, I think that was just too freaky for the player to handle. Plugging in The Happening today got me the message, "THIS IS NOT A PLAYABLE DISC!" Everyone's a critic! Thank goodness for the PS2! Yeah, the DVD color balance is way off due to my video game settings, but it's something! As for the review: Someone got *dangerously* meta. If your movie requires an artist's statement to be enjoyed, your admirable pretension might be too much.

Among the walking wounded: My light table has started flickering, my printer only accepts a command half the time, the speakers on the computer are starting to crackly, my computer itself is really showing its age and my scanner has lived a long, full life... AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT COMES AFTER LONG FULL LIVES!

Sad segue, I will be in DC from Wednesday until Sunday. My grandfather has been given a better prognosis, but my grandmother's has gotten far worse. Life is brutally unfair. Oh yeah, my mother had told my grandmother that I was showing up on Monday, when I had planned for Wednesday. I didn't show, and I broke my grandmother's heart. THANKS, MOM!

I had delayed my trip to DC because I can't seem to be productive there and I didn't want to lose my Precocious mojo. Now I feel incredibly guilty and selfish.

There's a bad short story that can come from this. Some guy thinks the universe is against him, as it slowly sabotages everything in his life. The twist: It's the character that is falling apart most of all, and so he dwells on every subtle thing that does not go right whether it's something major or not. Most of the problems are the results of the guy's failure to save himself.

So here I am, going insane because I need to do something to earn my place in this world - and ignoring everything else around me. I look at all the loved ones and possessions that need attention, and I worry... How can I help them when I clearly can't help myself? LET'S FIND OUT!

Once again... Charles Schulz turned his anxiety and lifetime horrors into an amazing cartoon. When things look their worst, maybe I can find my best.

Obsession is a scary thing

Today I sketched out one more comic before hitting a road block. In the next comic, Autumn diagrams the layout of the Sapphire Lake neighborhood. I know where the kids all live, but when it comes to the *exact* layout... hmm. TO THE SKETCHBOOK!

This is my first draft of the Sapphire Lake map. Will everything stay in the same place in the end? Probably not. Is it enough to create a simple map in comic #32? Indeed! Is stopping at a rough outline enough for me? HELL NO! I go all out for this stuff. A good first sketch gives me more to work with down the road. If you're wondering, the thick black lines are the roads (duh) and the tan lines are walkways.

Here's what I know about the locations:
- Bud's house is along the creek, not the lake. This map cuts it close, but for the current storyline, the bridge is where it should be. The final showdown takes place by the bushes between the bridge and the fence around Bud's yard.
- Jacob's house is almost in the exact center of the neighborhood, with the open picnic area across the street. This is where the girls set up their recruitment booth.
- Tiffany's house is set a bit back from the road, nestled in trees. It may be further back than the map shows, but you can see I ran into the paper's edge. They have lived here the longest and it means their yard and house are bigger - not to mention their property is nicely placed.
- Autumn's house is along the Copper Road edge. She actually lives closer to Suzette (whose house is just off the map) than she does to the others.
- Autumn's house is only one level. Jacob has a ground floor and upstairs level. Bud and Tiffany's houses have three, including basements.
- The kids' main play spots are 1) the clubhouse in Bud's backyard, 2) Tiffany's basement, 3) Autumn's back porch and 4) The field/woods around the creek in Diamond Bluffs territory, 5) Jacob's living room.
- Diamond Bluffs is one big loop of road, with the extra stuff around the hills in between the houses and Sapphire Lake. Dionne is located just off the map. Max lives around the back of the loop. This is why the boys stop off at Dionne's house while traveling to see Max.
- Note the features of each neighborhood that one can see from Copper Road. Diamond Bluffs shows off their tennis courts, Sapphire Lake shows off a pond and Emerald Woods has, uh, trees.
- Even though she won't appear in the strip until this summer, Kaitlyn gets a mention because she's not *that* far off the map. She lives about a mile away, down Copper Road. (Or not - see edit below.)
- Even though the map says the Diamond field is the size of a soccer field, it's actually about half that. Things on this map are not exactly in scale. There is a full soccer field by the baseball diamond.
- Sapphire Lake's area is mostly flat, while the other two Gemstone neighborhoods have hills. Naturally, Diamond Bluffs has far more impressive inclines.
- Yes, the docks to Sapphire Lake are on the Diamond Bluffs side. How cruel is that? (There are more docks up by the soccer field, but that is also not officially in Sapphire Lake's boundary.)

Edit: I either have Kaitlyn on the wrong side of Copper Road or I have her living a mile too close. (For now, I'll leave her on that side, but push her a mile further away from Gemstone Estates.) This confusion is because I somehow always pictured the Poppinstock Academy as existing a mile down Copper Road in the Emerald direction. Now that I think about it, it should be over on the Diamond side. If it's not, then a line of dialog in the second "official" strip that will almost certainly be cut would cause a continuity error!

The school being on the Emerald side would also contradict some of the established classism themes, since it would give the Diamond kids a *longer* bus ride to school than the oft-victimized Suzette. Another problem would be that this places Kaitlyn on their bus route, which violates the theme of my kids keeping to themselves. (That, or they ignore her every time they ride the bus, which seems a bit too cruel in the end.)

So, yes, here is my obsessive nature in all it's glory. I want to know everything about my comic world, so I do my best to maintain continuity. I am not a Charles Schulz, who never let established canon get in the way of a good strip. If only I had his desire to just be entertaining. I have to go for gusto, crushing my strip under the brutal weight of semantics. Maybe one day I'll learn to stop being a control freak.

For Sparky

I've finally finished the biography of Charles Schulz tonight, and I can't seem to stop crying. It was hard enough to see him go the first time. Now, with more context and Peanuts mythology, it's even more painful to have him die on me a second time. I know biographies don't work that way, but I had to hold out hope for the happy ending this time - death would be stopped, a fountain of youth would be found and the great masters would be rewarded for their talents by achieving the immortality they deserve.

The more and more I read, the further attached I got to him. When I reached the final chapters, I had to set the book down and walk away. I knew I wasn't going to be able to take it. First thing I did was check Fark, where I read that the animator Schulz hand picked to create A Charlie Brown Christmas, who was also the voice of Snoopy, had died. There was no escaping it - the old guard has gone away.

The day Schulz died is still clear in my mind. I was at my grandparents' house, a place I have always associated with happiness and security, and was pawing at the Sunday paper with NPR on in the background. I don't even remember making it to the comics before the news hit me. Like a true legend, Schulz passed away the day before his final strip was printed. Always the one to say cartooning was his life's work and how proud he was that he did the very best he could with the talents given them and wasting none, once he couldn't continue drawing his strip he ceased to be. I didn't read the comics that day, because I just couldn't take it.

Charles Schulz, "Sparky" to all his friends, is a big reason why I've always wanted to be a cartoonist. He was the great crossover, able to be subversive and mainstream at the same time. Uncompromising and independent, he drew every strip by hand and still found time to script the dozens of animated specials. His drive, competitive nature and - most importantly - talent allowed him to transform the comics page, ruling it in an age when TV and the internet were stealing more and more from the audience. Rather that admit defeat, he simply conquered them too.

Reading that final chapter, as he fell into rapid decline due to colon cancer, was devastating. This wasn't just a man; he was also the embodiment of everything I want to be. All the hopes and dreams I have as an artist were so easily projected onto him. Watching him succeed made me think that *I* could succeed as well. Like countless others, I saw in him a kindred spirit. That's why he was so powerful; because he wasn't so much universal as he was able to personally connect to everyone in the universe. Peanuts was like a great pop song - simple enough for people to grasp, but deep enough to take the endless play such hits get.

When I lived in the DC area (ages 4-8) I had a babysitter bring me a Peanuts book. I believed she let me "borrow" it, but she never got it back. This collection was from very early on in the strip; focusing on Linus as this strange, precocious baby that could do such oddities as blow up a balloon into the shape of a cube - and with Snoopy just beginning to embark on his many fantasy voyages, imagining himself as a snake only be thwarted by a fear of tall grass. I read it over and over. At school, we were encouraged to go to the library weekly to keep finding books to read. I tried the classics, but was rarely taken by them. Problem was, I didn't know what else a kid like me should read. There were so many books in the library, but how could I find the one that would speak to me? My salvation came when I discovered the library stocked some Peanuts collections. I quickly read them all. Primed by Peanuts, I began a daily ritual of reading the comics section of a newspaper and nothing else. Calvin and Hobbes, The Far Side, For Better of For Worse, Bloom County and other classics were part of my life.

At the age of 11, I decided I was going to stop just reading comics and start playing along. I began work on a strip of my own, called Brats, which featured a cartoon avatar of my idealized self (his original name lost to time, but now known as Bud) and his nerdy sidekick, Jacob. Quickly I saw I wasn't very good at cartooning - at least, not nearly as good I was at regular drawing - so I quit.

The idea wouldn't leave me, and Brats came back the next year. This time a spacey lass named Tiffany, bearing the likeness of my current crush of the same name, appeared as the fourth of the group. Wait, fourth? Who was the third? Heck if I know. She was supposed to be the female lead, but never asserted herself.

The final incarnation featured two new additions: A girl who was meant to be a love interest for my main character and another male to balance things out. The new girl, Autumn, quickly proved to be more of a sparring partner with the lead than a girlfriend. The weak female lead was tossed out and Autumn became a headliner. The extra male was put on hold, now that I had a solid group of four. I decided to cover him later and have him move to the neighborhood of Sapphire Lake in a year. (This outsider eventually became Roddy.)

I had my strip. I just didn't have the skill. Cartooning had to be pushed aside to focus on my innate talents. Time and time again I would try to be a cartoonist, and each time my poor skill would make me quit in disgust.

It took my life completely falling apart for cartooning to emerge again. Reduced to a pile of nothing, I was beaten, broken and befuddled by what had happened. That's when I was diagnosed with ADHD and began receiving treatment for it. A week after trying Ritalin, I bought my first sketchbook in years and, back to square one, started over. I *was* a cartoonist and this time I wasn't going to quit. Years of awful drawing went by, but I stuck with it. I finished my first sketchbook ever, then my second and soon I was moving so fast I had to buy my sketchbooks three or four at a time. Cartooning pulled me from my funk and gave me a goal. If I could train myself to be a cartoonist, it meant this old dog could learn new tricks! 17 years after it was conceived - and only a month behind schedule! - Precocious, featuring the same cast, locations and themes as Brats, is about to be launched.

Admittedly, the wheels nearly fell off the wagon as I've struggled mightily over these past months - but reading this biography has given me new strength. A warts-and-all tale, I saw a very human Sparky who went through many ordeals I endured as well. He lost a parent while young. He was quiet, yet fiercely competitive. He was so sure of his own talent that anything short of perfection was devastating. He was an unlikely leader, but an effective one when given a chance. Anxiety and agoraphobia nearly destroyed him, yet he lived a richer and fuller life than most. (I tend to call myself an "extrovert who's fallen on hard times" rather than admit to being a type-B person, and I do believe that was Charles Schulz as well.)

The big difference between Schulz and myself is that he used sadness as fuel, often creating his greatest strips when he was at his lowest. (His strips lost a lot of bite after 1980 because he was just too happy!) I create from joy, while sadness shuts me down completely. When I picked up the book again, after a summer of isolation and disappointment, I felt defeated and lost. I'm still lost, but I don't feel defeated any more. If I am going to be like this idol, I have to turn my anxieties into profit. Easier said than done, but it's something expected of the truly great!

It all started with the babysitter giving me that Peanuts book by Charles Schulz.

Thank you, Sparky

The Graveyard of Light

Above is my favorite comic strip of all time. Charles Schulz' Peanuts is easily the biggest inspiration for Precocious and with all my recent health issues I've had the time to reacquaint myself with my archives. I've also been reading Schulz' biography - although it's much harder to read that than four-panel strips when doped up - so you can say the man's taken over my life.

The reason I share today is to curse the darkness like my favorite character of all time, Lucy Van Pelt.

Following up on the reemerging inspiration of yesterday, I decided to try and get some cartooning done. Then I remembered that I LIVE IN DARKNESS! Now, my natural habitat is one not unlike that of a vampire's - but the key is that I *could* obtain light when needed before. It's one of the benefits of electricity. Those times are over. I thought electricity was my friend! Then, just like it was one of my friends, it had to become unreliable for me; helping me only when it chose to, before finally leaving me helpless and alone.

First the stands of Christmas lights I'd hung around began to die. In what was surely a healthy set-up, the Christmas lights provided enough ambient light for me to function during the day and sleep at night - a perfect situation for the pale and lazy! In an electrician's nightmare, I had them strung all around the room in one big loop. As one could expect from cheap lights purchased at dollar stores after holiday seasons, these lights were not meant to last. First the lights at the corner went. Well, the only reason I'm over there is to use to the light table, so that's no biggie. Then went the ones above the doors. Fine, I still have enough light. Then went the strands over my bed. Welcome to darkness town! Half my room was now officially dark.

As an artist, one of course needs more light than holiday novelties can provide; so I would bring in unused lamps from around the house. Man, they did *not* last long. One had one of those non-standard light bulbs, so fuck that extra hassle once it exploded. The next was so old, the bulb and lamp had fused together. Once it died, there was nothing I could do to save that ancient bastard.

So then it was on to the unreliable flood lighting. I've long known the wiring of this place was screwy, but that's why I had brought in all those extra lights! Now I was at the mercy of the cheap jerk who build this house.

Despite using energy-efficient, long-lasting bulbs, my ceiling would consume them with alarming frequency. For the most part, I tried to move the lights around so the non-burnt out would light useful areas, but this compromise was not to be. One light would die. I'd replace it. It would die a day later. I'd plug in more Christmas lights. It was the natural order of the room, y'know?

As the wiring got more and more messed up, I'd notice the lights would burn out in order. My guess was the power was being distributed unevenly between the live and the dead, overloading the temporarily-living. (Electricity probably does not work this way, but I don't *really* care to know one way or the other.) The solution seemed clear: replace EVERYTHING! It seemed to work!

Things were going well until everyone died.

Entering the room, I'd flick the light switch and head a sickening electrical buzzing sound. The lights would flicker and go dark. Flicking the switch off and on again would fix that. For a while. Like pancreatic cancer in my ceiling, the time between diagnosis and death was short and painful. The switch no longer works. My lamps are dead. My eternal Christmas has gone the way of the belief in Santa.

This makes it exceedingly hard to, oh, work on art. My lone lighting hold out was this fluorescent desk lamp thing I had rigged above my bed for reading. You can guess what happened to that. It didn't *die* like the rest - it's just dying in the way fluorescent bulbs die... with that sickly strobe effect.

So now I am either living in darkness or the WORST TECHNO CLUB EVER. I eat by the light of my old piano lamp. I work by the strobe of the relocated lamp. (In theory, as I have yet to do any work thanks to this situation.) I read by a tiny light that I had used to light the fold-out shelves in a kitchen cabinet. It provides the strength of four candles, but *also* has the added annoyance of being above my head, looking like an alien invasion. (Or that much-mocked Star Trek: TNG episode. "THERE! ARE! FOUR! LIGHTS!")

You know, maybe those karma-obsessed, chakra-loving moonbeam huggers are right after all. This room's health is uncannily related to my own physical and mental state. Look, universe, I'm all for controlling my environment, but I want that control to be in the form of TOTAL DOMINATION! If it gets broken when I do, we're going to have problems. It's one thing to be the universe's scratching post - you get to blame it for all of your problems! BUT, if my environmental breakdown is entirely tied to my actions, that is JUST NOT COOL!

YOU STUPID DARKNESS!