That's it, Rhode Island! I'm call you suckballs out! ALL OF YOU!
One of my goals with Precocious is to have a day when all 50 states visit. How cool would that be? Well, yesterday was Precocious' best traffic day yet. (Unfortunately coinciding with one of my weaker strips.) 49 states showed up. GUESS WHO FAILED ME! AGAIN! THAT'S TWICE, RHODE ISLAND, TWICE THAT YOU'VE RUINED THIS FOR ME!
I can excuse most of my lowest visiting states. If I was in Hawaii, I wouldn't want to come inside and look at comics. If I was in the Dakotas, I'd double their population. I've spent lots of time in West Virginia, and using a computer is beyond the capability of most over there. (Although this means ALL MY COLLEGE FRIENDS HAVE FORSAKEN ME!)
Then there's Rhode Island. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE! I don't care if you're tiny - we all know you have people crammed in there! Alaska and Wyoming, the EMPTY states, outperform you by over 1000%! You don't have stupidity to fall back on either, Rhode Island. You don't suffer from Appalacian Stupidity Syndrome(TM) - you're in the ENGLIGHTENED area of the country! You should grafivate towards my little geniuses!
I demand a full apology, in the form of visits, soon. If you do not comply, Rhode Island, I will be forced to make my Texas contingent invade. You know Texas, they always want another flag to wave - and yours is as good as any other! Texas will come and brand you, Rhode Island. You'll be rebranded as North Texas, and then New England with make fun of you SO HARD. It's your call, Rhode Island. Oh, and please touch bases with Hawaii first. If you show up while they're out tanning, nothing is accomplished! (Same goes for all you sporadic states: SHORE UP YOUR NUMBERS, DAMMIT!)
Oh, and FAMILY GUY FUCKING SUCKS! That's your legacy, Rhode Island - a poorly executed, derivative crud puddle. Way to go, Rhode Island. Fuck you.