Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Finally, a holiday I can support!

Thanksgiving time! This may be my favorite of all holidays. If I was on schedule with my strip and doing regular updates, this would have turned into a strip. Since I'm over four months behind at this point, the idea is reduced to a graphic novel-ish sketch. Tiffany is living the fantasy, even I prefer light meat over dark. Hey, cartoonists are legally obligated to draw feasting characters holding a drumstick. It's in the Constitution. Go check! The James Bond-ish joke here was stolen from a Fark headline. I wish I could claim it as my own, but alas...

Ok, so the whole being thankful thing is lost one me (in all likeliness, there will be a sad and bitter post tomorrow on this subject) but Thanksgiving has so much for me to love! Football all day? Check. Large quantities of my favorite foods? Check. Being able to tune out annoying family conversations due to football and/or food-induced coma? YEEHAW! Not *needing* to avoid conversation? 'Ello, we have a new twist!

Thanksgiving for me has traditionally been spent with my mother's side of the family. They are normals, which just seems wrong. Smart, well-adjusted and successful people in my family? WHERE ARE THE CRIPPLING MENTAL PROBLEMS AND TRAGICALLY COMPELLING STORIES? Conversation can be difficult.

Them: "I just ran a marathon and went to a big party."
Me: "I spent the last week hiding in the dark while clawing at the bugs underneath my skin."

In addition to showing me how live can be lived if a talented genius was sane, that side of the family is great because they are as obsessed with sports as I am. It doesn't matter if we have no rooting interest - although we will all unite to root against the fucking Cowboys - it opens the door for sports blather in all its delicious glory. Seriously, it's hard to find an intellectual peer who is not above rooting for morons playing games that focus on, ugh, PHYSICAL prowess. I love a chance to be a sports geek. (Note for nerds who hate athletes but want to love the game: Since football uniforms are so padded, you can imagine the players as robots instead of asshole jocks.)

So normally Thanksgiving with mom's folks works because it is the one time I can blend in. The problem is the TRAVEL. Three hours and an overnight stay? That's lost of *extra* conversation without the ability to hide behind food and sport. C'mon, family, let's admit it: We'd all be terrified to learn too much about each other. My brain would scare you, as my brother's metro brain would scare me.

Dad's side of the family is my side. We're all crazy jerks, but in the same zesty way! Our dinner conversation can be frank analysis of each other's psychological defects in between meandering stories of how we've confused others in the normal world. Only problem: They're not much for Thanksgiving and NONE of them like sports. I wanted to spend time with them, but I didn't want to sacrifice what I love about this holiday... so I made a deal! Give me Thanksgiving and I will come.

Since cooking is out of the question due to everyone here dying rapidly, they ordered a full meal from one of those stores. Maybe if might not be as good as home cooking, but it's perfect when preparation could lead to funerals. Also, after years and years of being DEVASTATED by minimal leftovers - THE BEST PART OF THE MEAL, DAMMIT - I have requested sole control of all remaining turkey. It's been years since we went home with enough turkey to last past two sandwiches. Mmmmm..... turkey sandwiches. Om nom nom!

With food covered, the focus turns to football. Thankfully, my aunt's partner is on my side. As long as we both enable each other, we get our football time! Also, when the games turn out to suck - I hate the Cowboys and Titans, and it's clear they will destroy the Lions and my beloved Seahawks - I can go chat with the family AND ENJOY IT!

On paper, this looks to be awesome. In practice... well, that will determine how depressing my "FUCK THIS GIVING OF THANKS SHIT!" post tomorrow will be.

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