Kiss them for me, if I am delayed

So...deadlines? What's the deal with those?

I've been treading the fine line between procrastination, idiocy, irresponsibility, mentally deranged and hyper-dumbassery for quite some time now. (It's a very complex line.) Flirting with danger is fun and all - but it's just flirting. I'm apparently looking for a hot, naked sweaty affair with danger as I keep taunting deadlines like a super happy fun ball.

So it's looking like Precocious will not make it's end of July deadline for publication. That sucks, but confidence remains high. Early August is still attainable. The problem is all those *other* deadlines I let sneak up on me... and then let gnaw on my foot... and then let saw off my leg... and then let set me on fire...

Now that I have been engulfed in a fire that burns but does not consume, with some festive dismemberment thrown in, it's time to start thinking about dealing with these problems. I may not be able to bring my allegorical leg back, but dousing the flames is bound to be an improvement to my situation.

Is it time to embrace Zen? Is it time to transform into a person who can structure time well? Is it time to become someone who can just *do* work at a moment's notice? Sure, but me exploding as I type this post is more likely to happen.

My personality is a cosmic joke and we all know it. Whatevs. I'd rather be nutty than boring, so life with chaos isn't necessarily bad. I know that what makes my life a mess is also what makes me interesting. Unfortunately, just knowing (glowing?) isn't enough. Sure, most of my problems are textbook ADHD consequences. I can name that beast, but it's not Rumpelstiltskin. There's not even a sympathy card to play, as ADHD is nearly indistinguishable from Whiny Prick Syndrome - especially IF I BLOG ABOUT IT!

Rationally, I shouldn't have a problem. I am fully capable of meeting my goals. There's just the problem of my head being like an busy airport with no control tower - and all the pilots are drunk. If planes aren't smacking into each other in the sky before they get a chance to try landing, they're colliding as several rush to the same landing strip. The tiny personal planes off to the side can come and go as they please, since they're smaller and less numerous. Those planes can generally move around each other and land quickly, but the cargo is rarely vital. Still, it's very easy to focus on the tiny planes. They may be irrelevant, but at least *something* gets accomplished. Standing at the end of a landing strip with nothing but a pile of crashed jumbo jets can be quite discouraging.

Over time I've learned to manage those simile jets far better, but full mastery is the unobtainable goal. If I let the airport get too chaotic, no amount of control can stop the impending disaster. Maybe it's better to just let the crashing happen and guide in whatever jets remain at the end. If it's too late, it's not worth the stress. Accept it, let the jet crash (or, to mix imagery, let the leg be cut off) and order a new shipment of cargo. Maybe this one will arrive when the airport is less congested.

Holy fuck, that's depressing. All I wanted to do was post some more sketches, but I'm at work so I decided to see if I could write something interesting instead. And now I've blogged all over myself... it's disgusting.